Random thoughts

So it's 12:30am Monday night... or Tuesday morning. I should be in bed by now but I can't sleep. Thanks to my hyperactive brain and an overly analytical mind.

Just a little over a month to go until the big Ironman day. I don't think I'm ready. Injuries are definitely not part of the training plan. Can't get into water with my bone deep puncture wound on my elbow. It's hindering my progress. So now I'm nervous about how much training I can make up, and how my body will hold up during the race. It's scary. I hope I don't get cutoff. I just want to finish. I want to cross that finish line. All I can do is give it my all and let it be at this point. Maybe this is a test to see just how badly I want this. I'm not a quitter. So let's just take it all the way and see how far I go.

I often wonder how I got to this point in my life. It's not something that I planned. It's not even where I thought I'd be. But somehow, I got here. My brilliant master plans don't always work out the way it's meant to. Not so brilliant after all I guess. Life is always bringing me surprises and throwing me for a loop.

Things can change in an instant without any warning. One minute you're flying down the street on your bike at 20 mph. Next moment, you're bleeding and waiting for the medic. Laying on the street, I thought that was the end of my Ironman journey. For what felt like eternity, lying on the street, I couldn't move and only felt pain. Looking down, I see my elbow bone... not good. I was lucky, nothing major was broken. Refusing to go in the ambulance, medic made me promise to go to ER after my ride. I got to finish my century ride with my busted elbow and completely trashed left side of my body. But I finished. This made me treasure my life even more and try harder to not take it for granted.

Sometimes, I wish I can see the future to help me make those tough decisions. But I realized, I don't really want to know. I want to make my own life and destiny. And just enjoy this journey. I'll learn and grow from my mistakes. Just the way it's meant to be. Everything will be all right.

Letting go. Moving on. Let life be. Hang on and enjoy this wild ride. Hoping I'll make the best of what I'm given. Yes, even those tough trying moments when I'm struggling with decisions and my heart. Like now. It reminds me that I'm alive. I guess it's a blessing that I can feel. It's good to know I have a heart.